The erotic diary of a mystical, irresistible and highly sexed temptress.
I am going to be putting my blog on private for awhile. I'll be back when the time is right. Take care everyone, and thank you for reading and for all the kindness and support you've given me. You all got me through some very lonely times. :-)
Long time no blog.
Since TLC came along I have realized that it was mainly my sexual frustration that was fueling this blog. And now that I have everything I have been longing for... there isn't a lot to write about.
It's not about sex (in the sense of having a cock in my cunt)... but it's about being wanted and desired. He has given me that.
Don't get me wrong, my blog isn't going anywhere. But for the time being... my fantasies are my reality... and there's not much else to say.
I waited anxiously for him in the hotel room in my little outfit. Even though we'd been together before I felt as if I was meeting a new person.
He instructed me to lay on the bed and not say a word. I'll never forget the look on his face as it began... such sternness, intensity, and power. Just the way he talked to me was enough to soak my panties... and oh God I loved how he spanked and played with my cunt through my panties. Just like I'd always fantasized about.
He tied me up, spanked me, flogged me, fucked me. I definitely could have taken a more severe punishment, but he is still learning how this all works and what my limits are. There is so much kindness underneath that bubbling dominance.
It was an amazing night... but I kept slipping into guilt which made it hard for me to be as present as I would have liked. For him... he is still coming to terms with his desire to "hurt me." He had a lot of emotions to process and they came out through our passion and play.
In the end both of us had so much frustration over our inability to just BE together. We don't want these stolen guilt-ridden sex sessions every few weeks, or an hour in a car every few days. If it was just about sex it wouldn't be a problem. But it is so not about sex.
We want to do things, see things, be in public together, go to dinner...
We want to be able to be in love.
It was hot, intense, and emotional. And I need some time to process. But in the meantime...
*CLICKITY CLICK*
I've got my rope, flogger, gag, blindfold and school girl outfit tucked away in the trunk of my car. Tomorrow night is going to be fucking spectacular. :-)
He let me cum. We had our first fight last night... exactly one month from the day we started our relationship. This morning we worked it out and he was kind enough to let me masturbate because he knew that I had been so upset.
I did just as he instructed... put on my gag, tied my ankles to the bed frame and fucked myself. I have never deprived myself of orgasms before, and when I came I discovered how true it is - depravation really does make it more powerful.
I feel soooo much better now.
Thank you Sir for letting me play with my cunt. And thank you for teaching me how deprivation can be such a wonderful thing.
I open my eyes and stretch. And in that space between sleep and wakefulness the thoughts of him return. Immediately I am aroused. I slide my hand down my belly and under the waist of my pajama bottoms. And then I remember.
I can't do it. I'm not allowed. It's my punishment for biting my nails - yet again. I'm not allowed to masturbate until after he returns from his business trip, after I have seen him and he will (probably) punish me more severely in person.
But right now I can't imagine anything worse than not being able to relieve this ache in my cunt. I want to think of him over me, fucking me so deep as he tells me how I belong to him, how I am his dirty slut to use as he sees fit. I want to come as I think about how he expects me to be a good submissive... how I must not only be available to him whenever he wants to use me, but whenever he wants another man to use me as well.
I want to scream out his name as I orgasm... the sound of my voice saying his name, and the pleasure I feel the only consolation in these long days between our visits. But I can't.
Of course the thought momentarily crosses my mind that I could... he would never know. But I won't. That would defeat the entire purpose. That would be like spitting in the face of the person who gave you the most treasured gift you have always dreamed of possessing.
Anyway. I'm supposed to share why I bite my nails... and why he should shorten the length of my punishment.
The truth is I don't know why I do it. It's just habit I guess. And why he should lessen my punishment? I have no reason. Perhaps he shouldn't. Except for this - I voluntarily told him that I was doing it. I had been instructed to stop more than once and when I found myself doing it I told him, because I DO want to stop, and I DO want to please him and make him proud of me.
That's worth something right?
For this weeks HNT I was given strict instructions on how to take this shot. (And what to do beforehand.) So... here it is. Do you like his guidance? And can you guess what my slutty little secret is? ;-)
Today I discovered everything I have been missing, who I truly am and who I truly want. And I can never go back.
Yes I have been tied up before. I've been flogged, spanked, and held down by strong male hands. But that is the smallest component to who I am and what I desire. It's the mental part that is so important! It's the mental part that is the MOST important! I didn't understand that until now.
I never thought I could have what I dreamed of... a man like him. I didn't think he existed. But he does! And when that look comes over his face and he begins speaking so slowly, so directly, with such gentle strength... there are no words to describe what it does to me.
I was in tears over what I have been through the past ten years. Somehow his presence has made that pain and that neglect all the more real. And he knew exactly how to take care of me. With both kind nurturing and unquestionable dominance. And to think this is the first time he's ever let his true self emerge!
I have never met a man that could stand up to me before. Who I really believed when they told me "You are MINE." Or threatened me if I didn't obey.
But I believe him.
Today changed me. Or perhaps a better way to say it is that today revealed me. I feel as if I have been transformed. I feel that by the power of his love I have been granted wings. And I can never, ever crawl back into that lonely dark cocoon again.
When he enters the room I am sitting on the edge of the bed waiting. I am totally naked except for my black heels and the white cotton panties he instructed me to wear. I am in his arms before we can say a word. His kisses are passionate and his hands caress my body, pulling me closer to him. I can feel his cock hard against my hip. I reach down and press my palm against it's impressive length. I want to get on my knees, I want him in my mouth, but I know he has other plans for the evening.
He steps back to admire my body for a moment, then surveys the room - considering the possibilities. He walks over to the table in the corner and runs his fingers along the rope, picks up the flogger... testing it's weight in his hand. He picks up the gag and approaches me, a devilish smile on his face. My breath catches and I feel my pussy throb. He's so handsome, and there's a look in his eye that makes me shiver. This raw, primal, hungry look that darkens his already dark features. It's a look that I am just beginning to get used to seeing... It's a look I crave.
I stand still and silent as he pulls my hair back then fastens the gag over my mouth. He brushes the back of his hand down my cheek and my eyes flutter closed. We have waited for this for so, so long.
He leans close to my ear and whispers a few words in spanish. I only recognize the one word he'd taught me - puta -slut.
In no time he is wrapping the rope around my breasts and I am slipping into that space I so love. My breath slowing, the rope constricting, the world shrinking, my nipples hardening. He is working in silence, slowly, and I can feel desire and love in every move he makes. He ties the rope behind my back and takes my hand, then leads me over to the table. He positions me in front of it, facing away from him. He spreads my legs, then wraps the rope around my ankles, tying me to the feet of the table.
He slips his fingers beneath my panties, strokes my cunt and rubs my clit. My knees tremble and I sigh behind the gag. I push myself greedily against him.
"Such a dirty little slut. You are so, so wet." He licks my wetness off his finger and moans, then pushes me down over the edge of the table. He ties my wrists - moving faster now, urged on by his rising lust.
I am spread and bound, bent over and aching. I wonder what I look like to him. So totally helpless, open and bent to his will. As if he can read my mind he begins speaking...
"God baby you look so beautiful like that. Like such a whore. You like that don't you? You like looking like a whore?" I mumble something that is supposed to be "yes."
He picks up the flogger and begins running it gently up and down my back... my ass... my legs. This is always my favorite part... the teasing promise of what is to come.
" Is your cunt ready to be used baby?" Oh god yes, please use it. I nod my head. He grabs a handful of my hair and pulls. "I can't hear you slut." (Well... I do have a gag in my mouth, I'd like to say.) He leans in closer and growls in my ear, "is your dirty cunt ready to be used?"
I nod, and moan a muffled yes. He raises the flogger in the air and begins the assault. It's gentle at first, but each strike is harder than the last. I push my ass out, willing my body to meet the flogger's kiss. There is no inch of skin left untouched.
I turn my head so I can barely see his face. He looks about as lost in this desire as I am, and it makes me even wetter.
"You love this don't you? You want me to hurt you..." the flogger lands across my back, the hardest blow yet. It stings and I cry out writhing against the table, pulling against the ropes. Yes, God yes I do want him to hurt me, just a little bit... and I don't know why. But it doesn't matter.
All that matters is he wants what I want. That we fulfill this need we both share.
I hear him unbuckle his belt and I close my eyes, waiting for his cock. Aching for it. The strike of the belt on my ass was not what I was expecting, and I cry out at the sensation... sharper and deeper than the flogger.
Words fall from his mouth as leather meets skin. Words about how I'm his little fuck-slut, that my cunt and my mouth are only there for his cock. Sometimes he slips into spanish and it makes me even crazier...
My panties are soaked and I need his cock inside of me. Like this. Tied up for him. I am on the verge of tears I need his cock so badly.
Once again, as always, he reads my mind. His belt hits the floor as he yanks down my panties. He drives his cock inside of me with a desperate force. With the force of a man totally out of control. He fucks me harder than I have ever been fucked. The ropes burn my skin, my nipples rub against the table beneath me.
My tears fall for finally being taken this way. For finally being used by a man who is starving for my cunt. For my body.
And for my soul.
He said he'd always wanted to see a body stocking like this one on his woman. So here one is... on his woman.
(I suppose this should also be considered a late HNT pic. Happy belated half nekkid thursday!)
It's been almost two weeks since we've had the opportunity to make love. God only knows when we'll have it again. But in those two weeks we have awakened each other's true sexual identities... my inner submissive who has been ignored and locked away for my entire adult life, and his inner Dom that had been wallowing in the same unacknowledged misery.
We met again today, a few brief moments in the back of a car. Not nearly enough time. But enough time to share "the single most erotic experience" of our lives (as he put it.)
A short length of rope. My wrists tied. His words, both punishing and nurturing. My mouth on his cock. His hand spanking my ass. My head on his chest. My very soul laid bare in his arms.
My body was clothed yes, but I have never felt so exposed. He says he had never expressed himself in such a manner, or tied a woman, but it was so totally natural and true. Maybe that is what made it so powerful for me. He wasn't just playing a part, he was being himself. When he tugged those ropes behind my back, so tight it hurt I wanted to weep, not in pain but in a overwhelming combination of gratitude and ecstasy. (And don't even get me started about when words in spanish began rolling off his tongue.)
When we parted I felt disjointed, confused... both happy and sad. It took the hour drive home for me to understand what my emotions were about.
Simply this... I have waited for this, wanted this for so long... now that it's here it is both beautiful and frightening. To finally have the possibility to open myself in this way. To surrender in the way I've always longed to.
He said today "you really are shy aren't you?" I'm not sure it was so much ME that was shy, but her. The fragile submissive girl that has been waiting for him for all of her lonely life. 
"The hottest part in Secretary for me was at the end when she had proven herself to him and he swooped in and nurtured her. God, that was so fucking sexy!!!! Ever since then, I've wanted someone to prove to me that they love me and are devoted to me like that."
And ever since then I've wanted a man to take care of me like that. Well what a coincidence!
Yes, I'm talking about him AGAIN. :-)
There is something about him that lends itself very well to the archetype of the Dominant male. Silver cuff links aside, he possess the energy of a man that lives by "a place for everything and everything in it's place." Including me. And yet he is able to balance that with a deeply nurturing and gentle nature. In a way he really does remind me of Mr. Grey's character in Secretary.
Now we just need to learn the ropes together. Literally. I'm dying for that. I cannot WAIT for him to tie me up. I think I'll cum when he ties the first knot.
We sat in the backseat talking and touching for longer than we should have. In some parking lot somewhere near his work. Him in his fancy black slacks and striped dress shirt (complete with engraved silver cuff-links! Lord, can I die now? Like, did I somehow create this man out of my own imagination? With every little detail exactly as I wanted?!)
He brought me some of the brownies that he made for me last night. Actually, I had a mouth full of brownie when he told me to suck his cock or I would have acted a lot faster. A brownie, his arms and his cock. What a perfect afternoon. There were some tears... some frustrations.. this is so much harder than we thought it would be. But still, after being with him I feel like I could conquer the world.
We've been talking a lot lately about our fantasies... and how he didn't even realize that he had repressed so much of his sexuality. Specifically wanting to be with a submissive woman. He thought something was wrong with that!
There is nothing wrong with that! It's so, so right.
And here I am.
Open, wet and waiting to do whatever he asks. I'm aching just thinking about being that for him. Yes, we already know we are lovers and partners (in as much as we can be right now,) but I will also be his whore, his slave, his cumslut. Anything. I have never wanted to give myself to someone so completely. No one has ever been worthy of it. (Yes, maybe my husband... but he doesn't want me so why bother?) But The Life Coach, oh God he is so, so worthy of it! One word out of his mouth makes me wet. One kiss makes me want to rip off his clothes. One caress makes me want to be on my knees. And the look in his eyes makes me want to hand him my heart.
Lately I have this fantasy of him fucking me and talking to me in spanish... saying all kinds of dirty things to me, whispering nasty things in my ear while he spanks me, flogs me, fucks me. I don't know what it is... there's just something about that idea makes me crazy. The element of mystery I suppose. Knowing he's claiming me as his own, but not understanding a word of it.
Of course he's already claimed me as his own. In fact, he wrote this about the first night we met - in the hallway at church: When I gave you that first squeeze I was thinking in my mind "you're mine, you will be my precious little woman and I will take good care of you"
Yes he will. And I will take good care of him.
I need to feel his lips on my skin again. The way he trailed kisses up and down my entire body, the way he licked nearly every inch of me, the way he buried his face in my cunt again and again... like he couldn't get enough. I need to feel my fingertips running up his back, my fingers in his hair - God I love his hair! I need to feel the way he licked my breasts so gently... sweetly... a little nervous, not wanting to hurt them in their still so delicate state. I've never been loved like that. So fully. And now that I've had it nothing else will do. I'm going to go crazy if I don't feel him again soon.
I hope he knows my body is his. Totally. 
Last night I dreamt that he and I were sitting on the edge of a bridge that spanned the Universe. Below us was a breathtaking, otherworldly landscape of mountains that were spouting white light. We sat together watching in awe as the scene unfolded beneath us. Could we get any more symbolic?
A few days ago we spent the afternoon together. No sex. Just cuddled up in a coffee shop, pawing at one another and gazing longingly into each other's eyes. What a sight we must have been!
He said that that afternoon was even more precious to him then the day we made love, because he realized how deeply he was falling in love with me. The feeling is mutual.
He is everything I have ever wanted in so many ways that I can't even begin to describe here. The possibilities for our future are like that dream... beautiful and boundless.
And he wants me! After ten years of feeling like something is wrong with me, that I'm not sexy or desirable... he has given me such an amazing gift. Feeling wanted!
I asked him that first day in bed how he had possibly lived without passion for so long. Well how the hell did I live without it!?
